It's about who I am, not how I look!

Book Study Week 4: Chapter 6
Commentary by Diane Levin


Have you seen behavior like what Rae and I describe? 

• Please describe some of the more dramatic examples.
• Do you have concerns about this behavior? If so, what worries you the most?

In reading this chapter, my thoughts go immediately to a child in my care. She is a strikingly beautiful child and her appearance is commented on by other parents every day.  I will tend to agree and then change the subject, but, after this lesson, it seems I need to do more,  as a teacher and advocate for all children,

Toddlers hear ~everything~ and I think many times adults forget that.  Parents and sometimes other caregivers talk ~about~ children, in front of them. I try to turn the conversation to include the child, assuming they are contributing to the conversation, simply by their presence.

Although this chapter focuses on girls and appearance, Diane Levin comments on the use of gender biased language for boys too.  In my experience, dads often have more gender biased play comments regarding their boys than mothers do. Many times, at drop off & pick up times, I hear some fathers say "That's my boy" as he is wrestling or engaged in rough play. Or worse, "that's girl stuff" as they are pushing a baby in a stroller, or in dress up clothes.  Sometimes its difficult to find the right words in that moment to help the child feel better without contradicting the parent.

All of my toddlers are beautiful children.  If comments are being made about one child "Amy's" appearance, and I am unable to steer the conversation away, I just start commenting on Billy's "beautiful eyelashes", and Carl's "big brown eyes".  Sometimes parents look at me funny and the comments stop, or they simply agree with me and we move on.  Keeping in mind that Billy and Carl and Amy were all complemented!

Educating parents is more important than some early childhood educators understand.  We have opportunities to give parents the language to use with and around their kids, to encourage all kids and to teach them who they are is more important than how they look, or how they play.

• What aspects of popular culture [TV shows, movies, video games, toys] seem to enter most into the gender specific play and behavior you see?

The children's television show, Princess Sofia, is all purple, pink and sparkly.  I see some shows ~trying~ to even the playing field. I asked a parent about this new Paw Patrol show, and a mother of two boys gushed over how wonderful it is, with no violence, and equally appealing to girls and boys.  I watched the show, and have seen some books, but it appears, the main "human" character is a boy (with some girl sidekicks) and there is only one (out of six) female Paw Patrol member.

Check out the birthday party aisles in your local party supply store.  There is no question about the separation of girls and boys by color, activities and toys & games, all in one convenient location.

• Have you tried any of the strategies recommended by Rae Pica or me for dealing with the gender divisions among girls and boys and particular stereotyped behavior of the girls or boys?

We have had parents come and talk with the kids and share careers. We had moms who are doctor, dentist and national guard member and a dad who is a nurse and both moms & dads who are engineers.  All parents were welcomed and engaged with all the children.

I try to steer conversations away from how kids look, and if I make appearance comments, I try to keep it to the shirts they are wearing and discuss colors, shapes, and patterns in general terms.  I will be more aware of what I say, and ask my co-teachers to work as a team and really listen to each other and help curb gender biased appearance/behavior talk for both boys and girls.

I would like adults to remember that kids are listening and always watching. What we ~do~ can tell them as much, if not more, than what we say.  Have conversations "about" them out of earshot, if they are needed.

Encourage all kinds of play for all kinds of kids. In my experience boys and girls tend to play differently.  They have distinct play styles and preferred toys.  I try to create classrooms that are very neutral, and encourage all kids to play with everything.  When boys are being gentle with baby dolls, or girls are running trucks around the room, I comment, ask and expand learning without gender bias.

• Do you have other strategies to suggest to readers?

We have an online "Daily Connect" tool for parents, and we upload pictures daily.  When captioning non traditional gender activity photos, I am always careful to use words like "Susie is a skilled engineer! as she is constructing big Lego structures" or "Tommy is making a meal for all the kids" as he's in the kitchen playing wearing an apron, in an effort to make sure the parents are reassured that their child is engaging in absolutely appropriate play.